


The Four Horsemen

by Ev_vy



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-01
Updated: 2003-10-01
Packaged: 2017-10-08 21:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/79653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ev_vy/pseuds/Ev_vy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The four guys remember the good old times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Four Horsemen

**Author's Note:**

> The format and the idea is shamelessly ripped off "The Four Yorkshiremen" skit by Monty Python. Be warned: gratuitous use of gore and violence, but it's the four horsemen we're talking about.

Four men sitting together in a damp underground base around a table. One of them is playing with his sword.

Kronos: Very passable, this, very passable.

Methos: Nothing like a good bottle of Fisher Amber beer. Eh, Kronos?

Kronos: You're right there, Methos.

Caspian: Who'd have thought three thousand years ago we'd be all sitting here drinking Fisher Amber beer?

Silas: In them days, we'd all been glad to have the price of a cup of water.

Caspian: A cup of muddy water.

Kronos: Without ice or lemon.

Methos: Or water!

Caspian: In a filthy, cracked cup.

Kronos: I never used to have a cup. I used to drink out of a chipped skull.

Silas: The best I could manage was to suck on my monkey's tail.

Caspian: But you know, we were happy in them days.

Methos: Yes, we were. I used to say, "Gold can't buy happiness."

Kronos: And you were right. I was happier then and I had nothing. I used to live in this tiny tent, with great big holes in the roof.

Caspian: Tent? You were lucky to have a tent! I used to live under a piece of leather. Me, my horse, our fleas and no bed.

Silas: You were lucky to have a piece of leather. I used to live in a hole in the ground. Me, my horse, my monkeys and our fleas.

Methos: I used to dream of living in a hole! It would have been a palace to me! I used to live in a shell. Me, my horse, our fleas and Cassandra! I got woken up every day by Silias's monkeys playing with the shell.

Kronos: You were lucky! When I say a tent, I mean four sticks put together. I felt every grain of sand and every drop of rain!

Caspian: My piece of leather was stolen and I had to live in a puddle.

Silas: You were lucky to have a puddle! There were twenty monkeys, my horse, me and our fleas living in a small box in the middle of the desert.

Methos: Wooden box?

Silas: Yeah!

Methos: You were lucky! I lived for three years inside a rotting corpse. I used to get up early in the morning, clean myself, eat a piece of old ham, rape Cassandra, ride to the nearest village, which was days away, pillage and burn, rape and kill, all day long. And when I got home, Kronos would rape me and thrash me to sleep with his belt!

Kronos: Luxury! I had it tough! I used to get up in the middle of the night, pick every grain of sand inside my tent, eat a handful of horseshit, ride to the nearest village, which was weeks away, pillage and burn, rape and kill, steal and loot, come back home after weeks and weeks of journey through the desert, and when I got home, Caspian would rape me and kill me, if I was lucky!

Caspian: But I had it tough! I used to get up before I went to sleep, clean the puddle, eat a leech, ride to the nearest village, which was months away, through the desert and the mountains. I would pay the villagers with gold so that I could pillage and burn, rape and kill, steal and loot. I would come back after long months and then Silas would let his monkeys rape me and eat my flesh out. If I was lucky!

Silas: Right! I had to get up two days before I went to sleep, feed my monkeys with me and my horse, eat our fleas, ride to the nearest village, which was years away. I would ride through desert, mountains, lakes and seas. I would beg the villagers to let me pillage and burn, rape and kill, steal and loot, pay them heaps of gold so that I could do it all. I would come back after long, long years and Methos would torture me, cut me to pieces and leave me in the desert for the vultures. If I was lucky!

Methos: But you try and tell the young people today that and they'll be highly skeptical!

Kronos: Hear, hear!


End file.
